( ♪♪ )
(Cigarette sizzling, inhalation)
(Exhalation)
(Pen scratching)
(Ice cubes rattling in glass)
( ♪♪ )
Together: (Speaking indistinctly)
Fuck! Here we are!
Paid vacation in Europe, here we go!
Fucking right! It looks the same over here.
It is kind of the same, Ricky.
Oh, check it out, there's the camera guys.
What's up, boys? Hey, dicks!
All right, okay. Right on.
Tour bus, two blocks to the right.
Swearnet gave us a tour bus!
Oh, I'm getting so fucked up over here!
All right, boys, let's do it. I need a drink.
Okay, just wait. Didn't they say go left?
No, they said take a right.
Two blocks to the right.
Hold on a second. Which right?
What do you mean, what's right?
This is right. That's the station, like this.
We're here. Is that right? Bubs, this is straight.
We go to the right, boys. But that's not really right.
Right could be down that way.
It's this way! This is right.
Let's just go down this way. It's two blocks.
Let's go, come on. All right. Well, let's fuck it then,
let's go. (Car horn honking)
Bubbles & Julian: Ricky! Ricky! Ricky!
Jesus Christ, man! The fuck you going the wrong way!
You fucking idiot! No, Ricky, no, no.
They drive on the opposite side of the streets over here.
What the fuck are you talking about?
Look where their steering wheels are.
Well, that's fucked! No, it's England, man.
This is just the way they do it.
Things are kind of backwards.
Bubbles: Everything's backwards. So you've got to look...
See it says, "look right".
The cars are coming this way.
You almost got killed. Okay, well...
Fifteen seconds we've been here.
This place is fucked.
Everything's fucking backwards.
"Oh, let's try to be so fucking cool,
"do everything the opposite over here.
"Put fucking arrows pointing the wrong way
"and doors opening backwards,
"toilets don't fucking flush properly,
"yellow lights before green lights.
"Let's put the fucking steering wheels
on the wrong side of the cars!"
This place should be called "Londum"
because it is fucking dumb. Fuck you, Londum!
All right, let's go. Okay, Jesus.
Here, don't let me get fucking hit, boys.
Let's go, boys, let's go.
Bubbles: Okay, look this way. No, Ricky, this way.
Look, down here.
Fuck, this is confusing. Okay, we did it!
First successful crossing of the street right there!
Good going, Rick. Good going, boys.
All right, this way. Two blocks.
Decent!
The fucking places we're going to get to go.
Holy fuck, boys! Check it out!
Ricky: I can't wait to go to fucking Amsterdam!
Dreamt that my whole life. Look at this thing, Ricky.
Boys! This isn't ours?
This is fucking ours! Fuck off!
Bubbles: This is like a space ship!
Oh, my fuck! (Knocking)
(Laughing) Fuck, boys!
Two levels! Holy fuck I want to party!
Seven fucking countries in this thing!
Are you kidding me?
Put it in, boys.
This might be the fucking greatest day of my life.
Together: (Grunting)
Just drop our shit, let's go get fucked up... Hey!
...try to find some drugs, get some food...
Just wait. Maybe this isn't the right...
This is the place, man.
Hello, boys.
Hey! What's up, man? Welcome to London.
I can't believe you guys made it through customs.
Ricky. Tom Mayhue, Swearnet.
Julian. Good to meet you, man. Nice to meet you.
Excellent. You guys ready to have a great time
and party it up? Fucking right!
Fuck, yeah! You have no idea!
We are getting fuckin... We're going to light it up!
Hey, first rule: no shitting on the bus.
(Chuckling)
No shitting on the bus.
It's for pissing only. Oh, you're serious...
I've heard that, actually.
You don't do that on tour buses.
All right. Come on aboard.
Let me show you where you're going to put your luggage
and where you're living.
(Whispering) Look at this fucking place!
Julian: Holy fuck, boys! Check out the party lounge up there!
Holy fuck! Look at this thing, boys.
Ricky: This is fucking awesome!
Julian: This is pretty fucking cool.
Luggage goes in here. Luggage in here.
Boys, luggage in here.
These are your bunks.
Ricky: Rock bus! Bubbles: Rock stars travel on!
Ricky: (Bumping) Ah, fuck!
Julian: I'm taking this bunk right here, boys.
Ricky: What the fuck is with these ceilings?
Ah! Why are they so low?
It's a double-fucking-decker bus, that's why.
Ricky: Wow, look at these fucking beds!
You're on that side. I'm on the other side.
It's kind of like a submaline.
Bubbles: I'm going to take top bunk,
be like Snoopy! (Chuckling)
Sleep with your head towards the rear.
Why is that?
So that when the bus driver hits the brakes,
he doesn't snap your fucking neck.
Yeah, why would you crank 'er to the side? Just lean forward.
Aw, fuck. All right, you boys got any questions?
Yeah. Where's our money?
We've got to get some fucking drink. What money?
Our money. Like, we were promised some money.
Yeah, as soon as you accomplish your tasks.
Ricky: What the fuck are you talking about?
Well, Swearnet sent your tasks right here.
Ricky: It's a paid vacation, is it not? Tom: No.
Julian: Tasks? What the fuck are you talking about, tasks?
"Get Noel Fielding's autograph, 25 dollars."
I don't know who that is but it doesn't sound too bad.
Who the fuck is Noel Fielding?
Noel Fielding, the fucking comedian!
How are we going to get that?
You got any drugs for us or booze?
I need to get fucking high, big time! Drugs?
There'll be no fucking drugs on this bus.
We've got border crossings.
I'm not going to fucking prison for you fucks.
You've got to be kidding me. Look, man...
You're joking, right? No, I'm not joking.
This is our bus and I need to get high
every fucking day, lots of times.
You can do it outside.
Ricky, just shut the fuck up for a second.
I read through the fucking contract
and it had nothing about tasks and shit.
Did you read it all?
Yeah, I read most of it.
Most of it?
Page 17, Paragraph fucking 3.
All contracts are basically the same.
I mean, all the important shit's in the first three pages,
the rest is just useless garbage.
Who the fuck puts vital information on page 17?
Every word that's in a contract is put there for a reason.
They don't just jam words in for fun.
Julian thinks it's like a Fabio novel
where you just skip around to the good parts.
(Reading) "Drink 6 complimentary draught at the Swan pub.
"You will be paid only
if you're able to hold your piss for 6 hours."
Tom: That can't be that hard.
I can hold my piss for 12 fucking hours. 6 draught, Ricky.
I'm not drinking any draught. 6 draught!
I'm not drinking draught, boys. This is unbeliev...
"Reshoot the cover of The Beatles' 'Abbey Road', 25 dollars.
"Or 1,000, if you can get a fucking...
living Beatle in the picture."
We can make a thousand bucks today? Tom: Yup.
Yeah, Ricky, if we knew The Beatles, we could, which we do not.
Well, that'll buy us some fucking drugs and some booze.
Some food.
"Retrieve a pair of Queen Elizabeth II's underwear
from Buckingham Palace." Oh, yeah!
You've got to be fucking kidding me.
No. It can't be that difficult.
That... What do you mean! To get the Queen's underwear?
Yeah. For fuck's sakes!
Use your imagination.
What the fuck is your deal? Who are you?
I'm the fucking boss, dude. That's who I am.
No, we're the fucking bosses. Yeah.
All right. This is what we're going to do.
We're going to get Noel Fielding's fucking autograph.
We'll get 25 bucks, get some fucking drinks
and some food and we'll figure this shit out.
Let's get the fucking... go to The Swan and drink the beers first.
I agree. I need a fucking buzz on. I'm not drinking draught.
I am not drinking fucking draught, boys!
Bubbles: This is fuckin'...
This is awesome, Julian! Way to go!
(Bump) Fuckin'... Jesus!
(Banging) Julian: This isn't all my fault!
Bubbles: Paid vacation in Europe is what you said.
Ricky: Jesus Christ! Fucking asshole!
Julian: That's what they fucking told me!
Ricky: Fuck this bus! Jesus.
Fuck you!
This reminds me of that fucking movie In Malcolm John Cockovich!
I was told we were going on a paid vacation.
Now Julian's got everything fucked up and,
if we want to get any money whatsoever,
we've got to accomplish tasks!
So all we can do is just try to do the easiest ones first
and make enough money to eat.
Apparently this place has been open 300 fucking years
and this is where the sayings "one for the road"
and "on the wagon" come from
because this is where they used to drive by
with the people on the wagon to go hang them.
That's pretty fucked. This is the last place they could drink.
This it here, The Swan?
Yeah, this is it, according to this.
It's a cool name. I like swans.
Boys, I don't know how I'm going to drink six pints of fucking beer.
I hate fucking beer.
Suck it up. At least you're getting some alcohol.
I need smoke in my lungs. I'm not complaining.
Boys, we're on vacation. We're going to make a lot of money.
Just party your fucking asses off!
Let's do it.
I can drink six beers and not piss, no problem.
Even if I have to piss, I don't care.
It's a free buzz on.
Can I start before yours get here?
Just get them in you, boys.
I'd fucking... be embarrassed to be with someone that hairy.
Holy fuck.
What? Buddy's wife with the fucking hair.
She needs a goddamn shave or something.
A haircut. Ricky, are you joking?
This? What?
Look close, Ricky.
You know that's not a person, right?
Ah, fuck, okay. (Chuckling)
I saw the hair...
the fur dress...
(Chuckles) Okay. No, it's...
I mean, I don't know what it is, what is it?
What do you... what do you think it is?
Well, what stands on two legs, let's think about that?
It could be a gristle bear'd?
Both: A what?
A kangarouge?
"A gristle bear'd"?
When have you ever seen a fucking black, hairy kangaroo, Ricky?
So it's probably not that.
A bird... has... stands on two legs,
but I don't see any fucking wings,
so let's... cross that off our list. A bird!
A big, black fucking hairy bird
with no wings?
Giraffe? But I don't see any spots...
Rick, it's a Newfoundland dog!
We've got them back at home!
What do you mean, Newfoundland dog? It's a big, fucking dog!
There's no fucking dog that big! It's... That's a dog!
If it was back home it'd be a Nova Scotia dog.
Here you go, lads. Hey.
Compliments of Swearnet. Thank you.
I like the way you talk, it's English,
but it's spokenly differently the way you do it!
It's fucking cool. Man, I can't fucking do this.
Julian, am I going to have to do some belly-work on you?
Don't... get that thing... get it away from me.
Up in the air, raise it up.
Oo-oo-oo-oo...
Bubs, Bubs.
Bubs, fuck off!
Fuck off!
Bubs! Ricky: Here we go.
Fuck off! I'll pick one up! Who's got your belly!
Ricky: Right on. Who's got your belly?
Bubs, fuck off! Raise it up
like a fucking balloon in the sky.
Come on, Julian. You can chug one beer.
You can chug one beer. Come on.
I'll chug with you. Ricky: To yours.
I'll chug with you.
Let's go, one, two, three. Julian: (Breathing heavily)
Bubs, get up!
( ♪♪ )
Holy fuck!
You know, I just sip mine because I enjoy the...
(Burping) I enjoy the flavours.
Bubbles: Let's do another one.
Ricky: It's good, man. Okay, Julian, here we go.
(Breathing heavily) We're all going to chug.
( ♪♪ )
(Burping) Oh, my fuck.
I decided just to sip again.
Bubs!
(Burping)
Bubbles: I'm going to get mine in me. (Burping)
(Puffing) Cleanse your palate. There we go.
Ricky: (Low burps)
Ricky...! Oh... fuck.
Jesus Murphy. (Burping)
Let's get them all in us in a fucking hurry.
Here we go! Cue the music!
( ♪♪ )
Fuck!
( ♪♪ )
Julian: (Exhaling)
( ♪♪ )
(Burping)
(Small burp)
(Burp)
One more, boys.
Okay, one each? Is that what we got?
One more.
(Sighing) You guys ready?
(Slurring) Greatest fucking trip...
in the history... of the world of man.
No pissing.
Get 'em at you. (Exhaling)
Here we go.
( ♪♪ )
(Exhaling) Aaah!
Psh!
I almost got her. Did you chug her?
(Burping)
Oh, fuck, boys. Here.
Just get it in you!
Can you drink my last?
(Roaring)
Okay, boys, put 'em in!
You know what?
When we're fucking, you know,
when we're like this and we're in the zone,
I feel like we're unstoppable.
Unsteppable unstoppable.
Put it in, Ricky. Boys...
For some reason, I don't feel anything, yet. No shit.
Boys, we are unstoppable. Let's just do this.
Let's go find Noel Fielding.
Together: (Grunting)
That is terrible.
You sure this is the right place, man?
This is the address on the sheet.
I thought this guy was a big, fucking star.
He is. It's fucking locked.
(Rattling) Hello!
Ricky!
You can just go around.
Ricky, it's wide open.
Boys, is the beer different over here?
I drank 6 fucking beers and no buzz-on. No, it's...
No, I don't either.
No, boys, that was non-alcoholic beer.
Those guys are just fucking us over.
Those fucking dicks!
Just don't talk about pissing.
(Sighing) Well, I have to.
Well, stop talking about it.
Don't even think about it.
Look at that decent little shed.
(Chuckling) Is that garbage?
I bet you we could take that home.
We're not going to take that home with us, Bubs!
I could use that!
Birdhouse.
I could use that shed.
Fuck my balls! Jesus!
Ricky: What is it?
Excuse me, do you know where Noel Fielding lives?
(Imitating chimpanzee) Yeah?
Do you speak English?
Boys, what the fuck is this place?
Bubbles: I don't know...
Julian: It's like a fucking storage locker.
Oh, it was a fairly normal day
until a little, tiny monkey fella blasted out of a fucking shed at us
and then led us into what I perceived to be a kill room,
which very well could have been.
I started to get nervous. I've got to be honest.
Ricky: I wish I had a fucking gun right now, I know that.
No shit. (Imitating chimpanzee)
He's in there? Noel Fielding's in there?
I'm not opening that fucking thing, boys.
Just be careful.
(Creaking)
Ricky: What the fuck?
Ah, Wicky, Julian
and Bubbles!
I am Lord Pumpwhistle,
heir to the Mawang fortune
and this is my manservant, Monkey.
Is that Noel Fielding? (Whispering) I think so.
How may I assist you?
Can we get your autograph? We just need your autograph quickly
and then we'll leave... Noel Fielding, right?
No, no, no, no! I'm not Noel.
I'm Lord Pumpwhistle.
Although I do know where Noel is.
So maybe I could take you to him.
All right, that would be good.
Let's get this going. Oh, goody.
A little game.
Come along, then, boys.
Let's go and find Noel.
Are you going to maybe put some pants on...?
Pumpwhistle: I put my rubber pants on,
the ones that Nanny gave me.
Now, in order to find Noel,
we'll have to take one of my private carriages.
We may have to take a few detours.
You see, you can never be sure where Noel is.
Some say he's a shapeshifter...
What? A shapeshifter.
Others say he has the ability to turn into gas.
Very difficult to pin down.
I don't know if you've ever tried to pin gas before.
Virtually impossible!
Only Monkey managed it once
when he was very high on opium.
Anyway our carriage awaits, gentlemen!
Monkey, lead the Canadian boys
to the carriage!
This is cool. I've never been in a private carriage.
I haven't either.
(Shouting) Just one... seco-o-o-ond!
Ricky: Wow, is he ever powerful!
Okay, boys, off we come to the private carriage.
Ricky: Thank you.
Thank you, my man.
Any of these two will do.
Ricky: These are yours? Well, yes.
Most of the big ones like this I own.
My father owns most of London.
Some of these buildings here.
This is awesome.
I've never been on a double dunker. This is wicked!
Ha ha! Double dunker! If you will!
Julian: This fucking guy's driving? Are you kidding me?
Can he drive?
Oh, he'll be fine. (Honking)
Monkey, get in your hatch.
Come along, boys. No time to lose!
Ricky: Look at the size of that fucking place.
This is Westminster Abbey.
A lot of people feel this is a building
but most Londoners know
that Westminster Abbey is in fact an insect.
Ricky: Fuck off! Really?
Ricky... Yes! True!
No...
It's not an insect. I was going to say.
Like, how would it get around?
It's huge!
Pumpwhistle: The London Eye.
Ricky: Holy fuck, is that ever cool!
A big, giant Ferris cocksucker!
Why is it called the London Eye?
It's says that if the London Eye winks at you,
you'll never be able to have children again.
Oh... Better be careful, boys. (Chuckling)
Ricky.
Aslan, from "The Lion, The Witch And The Wardrobe".
The first bisexual lion.
He used to pack Turkish Delight into his anus
with his huge claws
and call for his mummy in the night times.
(Sighing) Fu...
Ricky: (Shouting) Do you know where Noel is?
Does anybody know where Noel is?
Because apparently Lord Pumperfucker doesn't!
Has anybody seen Noel?
Have you seen Noel?
He's been gone for fucking ages!
Ahhh, lady!
I will lower down my pubes
and you can climb up to the bus
and tell us where Noel is!
Ahhh, here we go! Wonderful!
All right, are we going to get this autograph going or what?
Yes, of course! I think you are Noel Fielding.
Are you Noel? Are you just fucking around with us? No, no, my friend.
Because, you know, we appreciate these costumes,
little monkey boy, taking us around the town.
Noel is very close. I can sense him.
Perfect. Now, my muscular friend,
all you need to do is have a little bit of patience
and we'll skip away together like children
in the afternoon mist and find Noel!
We're having fun, I think you're cool...
We just need the autograph, okay?
I need to get some fucking food,
I need some weed or hash, which you sort of promised.
Okay, okay. Follow me.
Ricky: So he's here? Follow me.
Ricky: He is here, right? Of course he's here!
Ricky: What about Mr. Monkey? Is Mr. Monkey...
Oh, Monkey! Monkey! Monkey! Monkey!
(Speaking gibberish)
Bubbles: Boys...
Now come along.
I think we just stole a fucking bus, that's what happened.
Follow me, boys! Not far to go!
Ricky: Boys, what in the fuck is going on here?
I'm telling you, the guy with the hair,
that is Noel Fielding.
Are you sure?
Lord Pumpwhistle is Noel Fielding.
Let's get his signature, then,
and go get some fucking food.
Bubbles: I didn't know he was this fucked, I'll be honest.
Julian: Noel, Noel!
All right, enough with this fucking around.
I want a signature, right now.
Right on... what the fuck?
And I'm not buying this whole monkey shit, all right?
I'm getting really sick of following this guy around,
no pants on, a weird wig and a little friend
who thinks he's a fucking monkey!
I don't know where this Noel guy is,
but he's nowhere they're saying he is and it's driving me crazy.
He wasn't at the goddamn horse, which is the dumbest statue
I've ever seen in my fucking life! He's not anywhere!
Ricky: Let's just go do something else.
What else is on the list?
You know what? Let's go to Abbey Road.
Bubbles: Fuck, boys, that's it!
That's it right, there. Right there.
Right on. Noel: Abbey Road.
Bubbles: That's where The Beatles recorded all the stuff!
Abbey Road is powerful. Big deal.
So what the fuck is this picture we've got to re-create?
It's the cross-walk picture, Ricky.
You know, where The Beatles go across.
If we do that we get 25 bucks.
We get a picture on a crosswalk, 25 bucks!
We should have did that long ago
instead of following around Lord Fuckedinthehead and Monkey Man!
Well, 25... I mean a thousand if we did it
with a living Beatle but obviously we can't do that.
That's not going to happen. Whoa, a living beetle?
That's easy!
No, Ricky... There's probably some fucking beetles in here.
No, no, not... not insects, Ricky.
The band, The Beatles.
Somebody from the band, The Beatles.
How in the fuck can you live on Planet Earth
and not know who The Beatles are?
Do you want to take our picture for us?
Make it look like The Beatles, all right?
Okay, you should go first because John Lennon was in the front
with his white suit. Ricky: Where do you want me, Bubs?
Maybe you could be Ringo.
Where am I? Ricky: What are we going to do?
Bubbles: I'll be McCartney.
Ringo, McCartney, George. Ricky: Okay.
Monkey, you be uh... you be Monkey!
All right, let's just do this.
Let's go! Let's go! Ah-ha!
The first Welsh Beatles!
Let's move it. Let's go.
Ricky: So we just... Okay...
Bubbles: Everybody get your legs going, just look over here for one second.
All right, we're done. There we go.
Let's go. That's it?
Can I have the phone back? There we go.
Let's see... That looks pretty good.
We got it, let's go.
Ricky: Oh, fuck, boys, I've got to piss.
I can't hold it. My piss went away.
I'm like a camel.
Yeah, I've got to piss.
No, no, Ricky, don't piss, man.
Boys, we didn't even get a buzz on.
How the fuck are they gonna know if we pissed or not?
I'm pissing!
Well, you're not getting any of my liquor money, man.
Oh, fuck!
(Trickling) (Sighing)
Jesus Christ!
Nice dick. Oh, fuck!
Oh, yeah, fuck, that's great. For fuck's sakes.
Tom: Scratch that one off the list, bud.
I'll see you boys back at the bus.
Bubbles: Way to go, Ricky.
For fuck's sakes!
(Sighing) Nice one.
Ricky, for fuck's sakes!
Sorry, boys. I'll fucking make up for it.
What else is on the list?
Well, there's just this...
Buckingham Palace thing but we can't fucking do that.
Ricky: Why not?
Do you know where the Fucking Palace is?
I certainly do! Perhaps Noel will be there.
He sometimes frequents the Palace.
Ricky: Perfect. Follow me, boys!
Ricky, don't...
You're wiping your piss-hands on me!
I know what you're doing. No I wasn't.
No, I wasn't.
(Military music)
Bubbles: If we did get in there, do you know where her quarters would be?
This area here is where the panties live.
Which area?
This area here...
is where the panties live.
Monkey, go find him! (Yelling)
Okay, I'm going in to get the fucking underwear,
one of you guys has to come with me,
I need someone to make a distraction.
I'm not getting in with this.
Well, I'm not going in with one of those two fucking weirdos.
You can't... Can't you just set it down?
Set it down? People steal shit around here, okay?
So I'm supposed to go into the fucking Palace with him?
Who else is going to fucking go in, Bubs? Who else is going to go in?
Maybe you should take fucking Lord Weirdsy with you?
You're not taking him!
Me and you, we've got this. How hard can it be
to get a pair of her fucking underwear?
Yeah, so, just about to break into Buckingham Palace
with Ricky here, no big deal.
We're just going to steal the royal undergarments,
no big deal whatsoever.
Couldn't go to jail forever. Fucking police everywhere!
Hello!
Is it just... uh... paintings and...
There's no...
jewellery or any of that...?
Umm... there's a couple of pieces of jewellery, yeah.
Umm... some floral jewellery.
It's just in that gallery.
And there's some little works by Fabergé,
as well, little flowers, yeah.
Cool. All right, thank you.
(Mixed chatter)
(Whispering) Okay, Ricky,
so we're in Buckingham Palace.
(Singsonging)
We've got to break away from the rest of these people.
Oh wow, big paintings,
big... rugs... mats... Ricky...
Ricky. What?
These are treasures of the land.
I don't get it, Bubs. Although...
One of these is probably worth a lot more than the underwear.
Fuck, no, Ricky. You're not taking one of the tapestries.
I could roll that up?
You can't roll that up like just rolling up an old rug.
Well, we should take a little, tiny painting.
Look at these little, small ones here.
I could fit those in my pants.
You don't think they're going to notice
a fucking blank spot on the wall with a hook?
Do you know who Noel Fielding is? Yeah.
Is that him right there? Man: That's him.
Are you sure? Definitely.
Look here... Noel...
Noel, stop fucking around with me, okay?
All I want... Noel, all I want is your autograph on my hand.
That's all I want, then you guys can go off
and do whatever the fuck you want.
Monkey, deal with this.
Are you fucking kidding me?
(In low voice) If I take this elevator here up to the third floor,
it doesn't look there's anything in between here and this laundry zone.
This looks pretty easy.
Trust me, this'll be easy, I got this.
(Whispering) Listen to me. Are you even listening to me?
There's undercover people.
MI6. Oh, yeah?
Yes. Like James Bond types walking around.
All right. I'll try to be careful.
We're fucked. We're fucked.
(Whispering) MI6...
(Mixed chatter)
(Exhaling)
Just here to look at the paintings...
Just looking around like a regular person.
One of the kings had a big barbecue one time.
A big blowout. So they made a painting of it.
See, all the smoke's there?
And the chickens and stuff they were cooking.
We haven't eaten since we left Sunnyvale
and I'm about to faint, I'm so hungry.
If Ricky pulls this off, we get a thousand bucks.
We can live like kings for a thousand bucks.
Get it? Live like kings, and I'm in Buckingham Palace.
This is the only way to the third floor.
It's closed. You're going to have to wait here.
I'm thinking I might just take off.
Ricky's been gone for 25 minutes. I'm freaking out!
I don't know what I'm going to do.
(Sighing)
I think they're on to us...
The chicken has landed, the chicken has landed.
We've got to go now. Somebody saw me.
Oh, my fuck!
(Mixed chatter)
(Indistinct)
Holy fuck! It's fine, Bubs. We're good.
Freaking out!
You got them? I've got them, yeah.
(Horse hooves clopping)
We've got to go. We've got to go right now.
We've got to go. We've got to go.
He got them, he got the Queen's underwear.
Are we still getting the autograph?
Julian: Fuck the autograph!
Bubbles: Boys, let's just get the fuck on the bus. I'm freaking out.
I still feel like the guards are following us.
Julian: Nobody's following us. We're good, boys.
Fucking made it. All right, boys,
how did you do today on your tasks? Good.
Did you get Noel Fielding's autograph?
Not exactly. He wouldn't even admit he was Noel Fielding.
You were with him all fucking day
and you didn't get his autograph?
He's out of his fucking mind!
The guy's a fucking lunatic.
We already know you fucked up the drinking and fucking pissing.
Check that out.
We got the album cover.
Ha ha! Ricky: Let's go, pay up!
Last time I checked there was no Mexican horse jockey in The Beatles.
Julian: What?
Bubbles: Monkey's in the shot. Oh, my fuck, Ricky!
Monkey was right behind you, for fuck's sakes!
Oh, it's my fault? It's your fault!
You should have been fucking on Monkeywatch, you dumbass!
Fuck you, Julian! Well, guess what? I came through.
Maybe I won't give you any of my fucking money for food!
Tom: Oh, you've got the Queen's underwear?
Congratulations. One pair of the Queen's fucking panties,
right out of her washing machine.
That's right. Pay up!
The fuck does that say?
Ricky: It's the company that makes them, I guess.
I don't fucking know.
Ricky, are you kidding me? What?
Ricky, you stole Prince Charles' underwear!
The Queen wouldn't fit in those!
It's not Prince Charles'. There's lace all over them!
That's the company that makes them.
It's not... the Queen's. Oh, Ricky!
Look, that's the...
Why would the Queen have a piss-hole, Ricky?
That's where the royal wiener comes out!
Nice going, Rick. Nice fucking going!
You were there, for fuck's sakes!
Why didn't you just grab a bunch of them?
At least I tried.
Well, you fucking failed, didn't you?
Wheels up in two hours.
Fuck, man, you've got to give us some food.
Tom: No. You've got to earn it.
(Chuckle) Thanks a lot, buddy!
Tom: Have a nice day. Thanks a lot!
This is getting fucking serious, boys!
Yeah, awesome trip you took us on here.
"Oh we're going to party our asses off. Food and women and booze
and drugs!" And this... This is my fault, huh?
This is all my fault? Pretty much.
No, you guys go fuck yourselves!
You guys deal with the contracts from now on, okay?
You said it was going to be awesome
and now we're stranded in fucking Europe
with no goddamn money!
We could starve to death. I know.
We could starve to death. We're not going...
We're going to have to fucking turn into Mantracker!
We're not going to starve to death!
Survival of the fittest, it's going to be!
I'll figure this out, okay?
You fucking better. Bubbles: Fuck's sakes!
I'm going to fucking bum some cigarettes, you fucking idiots!
Fuck you, Ricky!
Fucking asshole.
(Beeping)
Can you guys please stop fucking filming me?
(Beeping)
What the fuck is the combination?
What's the combination?
Man: 1-7-9-9.
(Sighing)
(Beeping)
Great!
Fuck's sakes!
( ♪♪ )
(Seabirds squawking)
Fish: Fuck! Fuck! Fuck off! Fuck!...
Fuck off! Jesus Christ!
(Whisper) Fuck.
(Light clicks off) Fuck off.